New Moon

By Stephanie Meyer

Chapter 21
So they leave the sewer and go into something that looks like an office building, take an elevator, and wander around a building that Bella describes as “like a funeral home.” Short Vampire #1 meets up with Short Vampire #2 – maybe they’re siblings, hell if I know. There’s also a random human about, but what she’s doing there isn’t brought up and she isn’t seen again. This is disappointing – it could’ve been an interesting plot point or something. But nope. Missed opportunities.

More walking around, and eventually the vampire group winds up in a “turret-like” room with a bunch of vampires in it, and they’re greeted by…

Aro. Who has a case of obfuscating stupidity.

Because I seriously doubt a 3000+ year old vampire who’s a founder of the Royal Vampire Family to really be as airheaded as he’s acting.

A lot of stuff is addressed, but the primary thing of interest being Bella – both the fact that she’s human and knows about vampires, and that she seems to be immune to mind-mojo. This is even tested when Short Vampire #1 does… something weird. It kinda reminds me of the Imperius curse from Harry Potter, only with staring. Edward goes down like a log, but it doesn’t do anything to Bella. Bella for her part, is alternatively terrified out of her mind and still convinced Edward doesn’t give a rats ass, even though he attempted to smack down Small Vampire #1.

Alice somehow convinces Aro to let them go with her mad visions of the future – Aro only has to touch Alice to know every thought she’s ever had – and even Bella is going “WTF? He should know how fallible Alice’s visions are.”

As le Cullens and Bella leave they pass up some American tourists who are in fact going to be the Voulturi’s dinner. But they couldn’t get far enough away before the screaming started. Bella of course, is horrified by this but it doesn’t take a genius to figure that there’s nothing she, Edward, or Alice can do.

Hey, where the hell did Emmett disappear to?

Chapter 22
Basically: after waiting in the Volturi lobby for the day, Bella has hysterics, then Edward and Alice take Bella back to the US. Bella continues to be convinced Edward will leave her again despite the fact he’s been surgically attached to her and kissing her everywhere but the lips since the previous day. Once they land in Atlanta, they’re greeted by Rosalie and Emmett – who somehow went missing from Italy back to the U.S. without anyone noticing – as well as Carlisle and Esme.

… Does Esme actually serve a purpose other than for Carlisle to have a wife?

Edward takes Bella home, and Charlie yells at Edward a lot before Edward can deposit Bella into happy dream land (Bella didn’t sleep at all on the way back) and promises that he won’t go far.

Chapter 23
So Bella wakes up, Edward’s holding her, and she thinks him and everything else over the past three days has been a dream.

The majority of the conversation in this chapter goes like this:

Bella: I’m dreaming or mad but I don’t care.
Edward: No you’re not I’m here and I love you and I’m sorry.
Bella: But you left me!
Edward: I won’t do it again, I promise.
Bella: O RLY? You’ll get bored with me and leave just like you did last time!
Edward: I thought I was doing what was best for you! Just being around you puts you in danger.
Bella: In case you haven’t noticed I attract danger. DUH. Notice my new werewolf friends?
Edward: Rassum frassum werewolves.

Anyway, Bella and Edward continue this back and fourth for a while, eventually the Volturi are brought up and the fact that they’re going to look for Bella. Edward’s convinced that keeping Bella human will save her soul and is fine with Bella growing old and dieing since he figures he’ll off himself not long after. Bella’s simply horrified of growing old. But eventually the Volturi are going to come after her, so Bella decides to head to the House Of Cullen. Edward of course, stops her by blocking the door, and it’s only when Bella starts eyeing the open window that he gives up.

She’s going to le Cullen’s to put to a vote the issue of her mortality. Which is basically what it comes down to with Bella. “I wanna be a vampire!”

All things considered, I don’t blame her at this point. Victoria wants her dead, Bella runs with werewolves, and the Volturi will be after her eventually. But it still seems extremely whiny and immature of her, and there’s a bunch of things that Bella doesn’t think about – like explaining to her father and mother why she suddenly glitters, or has simply gone missing altogether, and dealing with Jacob and the pack. Bella doesn’t want to go to college so furthering her education doesn’t matter really.

Ok! Given what I know of the characters, I predict the vote will go like this:

Carlisle: No. Believes that Bella’s vampire status should be determined by Edward.
Esme: No. Will vote with Carlisle.
Edward: No. Wants to preserve Bella’s eternal soul.
Rosalie: No. Doesn’t want Bella to be around for all eternity.
Emmett: Yes. Thinks Bella is made of awesome.
Alice: Yes. Hell, she offered to turn Bella into a vampire on the flight to Italy.
Jasper: Either or. May depend on how much of Alice’s bitch he is.

Chapter 24
Edward and Bella have a “I love you no I love you more” talk on the way to the House of Cullen, Bella calls a “family meeting” sort of thing, and they have le vote –

Alice: Yes.
Jasper: Yes.
Emmett: Yes.
Rosalie: No. Though not for the reason I’d initially assumed.
Esme: Yes.
Edward: No.
Carlisle: … um, he didn’t actually say. Just “you know my answer.”

Which was enough to send Edward off breaking things in the other portions of the house. There’s some discussion over who should turn Bella, and it’s determined Carlisle has the best shot of turning Bella into a vampire without killing her. Edward, meanwhile, is having a total flip out that I don’t think I can properly describe without just pulling out the entire section of the book.

Edward finally brings up the fact that it’s not very inconspicuous for Bella to be turned into a vampire right then and there and it’d be best to wait until she’s graduated high school before she winds up gaining a new pair of chompers. Bella agrees to “consider it” and Edward takes her home again.

Edward asks Bella if there’s anything she wants – besides what she’s already got – and Bella says for Edward to make her a vampire.

And he says he’ll do it if she’ll marry him.

Edward does make a point – if Bella gets cold feet over marriage to a guy she’s absolutely nuts about, is it wise to make her a vampire which is a more-than-lifelong commitment? I would like to think Bella’s reticence to get married would have something to do with the fact Edward ditched her, but no. She forgave him right off the bat. Actually, Bella never gives her reason for being leery about getting married, save some vague comments about her mother.

But there is still something extremely skeevy about using marriage as a bartering tool. It’s positively medieval.

Either way, the argument wakes Charlie up, and he has some… interesting questions for Bella. More specifically, why the hell she ran off, and where she ran off to. Bella quickly makes up a story that … actually, isn’t worth recounting except Charlie believes it, but nothing Bella says will convince Charlie that Edward’s any good, especially for his daughter. Bella says she’ll move out if Charlie doesn’t want Edward around, yada yada yada… Well, Charlie caves because the Status Quo must be maintained, and once Charlie leaves, Edward hops back in. Smushy love talk about souls and vampires etc.

Epilogue
Like I said – status quo resumes. The Cullen’s move back to Forks with various explanations made, Edward is constantly giving Bella college applications to fill out, Charlie won’t “let” Edward hang out after nine and Bella calls Jacob Black in the intermediate time between Charlie going to sleep and Edward going back inside the house.

Jacob won’t answer the calls which drives Bella nuts. Bella makes Romeo and Juliet comparisons again. But she and Edward head back one day and lo, there’s Bella’s bike and Jacob’s waiting inside. Charlie knows the bike is hers and is waiting to rip Bella a new one. Jacob wants to talk to Edward as pack spokeswolf. Edward baits Jacob with his mad mind reading skills, and Jacob reminds Edward that the treaty stands so long as the Cullen’s don’t bite anyone. That’s right folks, no vamping for Bella Swan.

There’s more back and fourth and Edward and Jacob nearly come to blows, but the biting is the important bit. Bella’s worried because Jacob is her friend/bit on the side and she doesn’t want him to be unhappy and all that, but Jacob thoughts go promptly out the window cause Edward is sooo hawt.

Anyway, Charlie’s yelling takes Bella and Edward inside, and Jacob makes like a wolf and takes off. The end.

Oh, and Victoria is still alive and the Volturi still want Bella vamped or dead. The end.